Hello again.

First of all, I appreciate every one who responded to my last tester. I am very grateful for the helpful and candid comments, they were very helpful. Thank you.

The aim of this tester is to introduce a character in a scene.

Please leave your comments considering the following questions:

  • Did you find the read interesting? Why?
  • Would you be interested in reading this any further, as in does it constitute a story you will like to finish?
  • What do you think about the character, impressions, assumptions and what are you curious about?

 

Tester 2

 

“Explosive expressions of beauty”,

“Her work should not be bought, she’s a fraud”.

“Undue credit given… she should be stopped”.

The media and critics had created so much controversy, so she agreed to the Art Council’s request that she create a piece in public. She hated the attention, preferred the quiet her family had found after recovering from the fire. However it was ice-cream compared to the chaos that was now her life.  All that did not matter as the quiet in the auditorium indicated it was time for her to do what she loved. Susan turned her back on the audience and started to work on the blank canvas. Like all her other works, she did not know what she was going to do until the tip of her brush touched the canvas. She closed her eyes and with a deep breathe pushed out everything around her, the silent voice of the audience’s expectation, the pressure at the back of her mind, and pain in her right leg. Exhaling, she brought to mind the beauty she chose to see in the world, her grandparent’s love, her husband, her daughter’s smile ever gave her and she began to paint. With every brush stroke her exhilaration grew, this was her joy that the fire had not touched. She worked rigorously tuning out the world with her daughter in her mind, until her heart told her she was done. She was startled by the applause she heard when she stepped back from the canvas. She smiled slightly as she imagined how proud her husband would have been if the fire had not claimed him. “We’ll be fine” she whispered to herself, when she felt her daughter come up beside her to lead her off the stage.

“She lost her sight, yet gives beauty to the world. Susan Autumn everybody”, she heard the MC say before another deafening round of applause.

Tester

Hey,

I am currently working on taking my writing more seriously than before, so I took a class on writing fiction. It is a little different than I have been used to. As a result, I will be posting a series of testers here and I would love your opinions on what works and what doesn’t. When you read please let me know:

  1. Did you find the read interesting? Why?
  2. Would you be interested in reading this any further, as in does it constitute a story you will like to finish?
  3. Which part worked for you and which didn’t?

I appreciate your help.

This is my first tester.

 

“Come on men, there’s so much more in your life for you to appreciate”. Click. He turned the TV off. It’s not like he had been paying attention to the reruns of some 60’s show, but that statement smashed right into the centre of his brain and irritated the world out of him. He stared sightlessly at the huge TV that filled up the wall, working at making his mind as numb as it used to be. The large and transparent thing mounted up on the wall had taken forever to find because nothing was allowed to contrast with the awful colour of the wall; he even found a way to make sure that the cables were totally hidden so it looked like they owned a battery operated flat screen. It’s amazing how looking at the wall assaulted his eyes when it was he who painted and repainted about eight times, before he stopped counting, finally arriving at the perfect type of paint and colour. Seriously, who named a paint eggplant, or was it eggshell? How is it even a colour?

His eyes kept loosing and catching focus on different items in the living room; the useless bowl on the coffee table, the countless mirrors splashed across the room, the extremely ugly identical lamps, and her countless pictures with people he did not know. There could be no hiding it, he can’t stand this room, and he has come to hate the whole house, where are Joshua and the Israelites when you need them?

This used to be his home, his own, the first of many things that would prove to his mother and step-father that he was the son of his own father and nothing like them. He took total pride in the fact that he owned it but now he could barely recognise the house, it no longer felt like home, it had become just a roof. Honestly he could not tell how he let it happen, but he had killed and lost himself trying to make his home a house perfect enough to make her happy. Before now he would have punched anyone who suggested he was one of those men who sold their brains to please a woman. But somehow tornado Janet had whirled into his life, only to circle round and back out the door faster than light leaving behind the huge wreckage that he now calls his life.

A GIRL’S FIRST LOVE

My first love; he has been in my life longer than I remember. His voice is always soothing, forever calming, even when I do not want it to be. In his arms, I feel completely protected. He loves me so much I am sure I will be forever safe with him.

When I was younger, I would miss him even without knowing that I did. But whenever he arrived, nothing could stand between me and getting and holding his attention. I never had to try hard, he missed me too, so he’d spend the rest of the night holding me and doing whatever it was that I wanted. It was like I was the only one in his world.

A few years later I went through this phase where other things mattered to me more than spending with him. And a little ways down that route I got to a point where I preferred almost anything to being with him. I acted out every way I knew how, in ways I didn’t know that I knew how and even invented new ways to act out. When I messed up, he scolded me soundly,  when I fell down, he’d pick me up and clean me up even when it was my own doing, every time I acted out, he set me straight but he never once paid me back in my own currency. He chose to exist above it all because he loved me.

He is sweet and funny (though I have never said that to his face). He was patient with me even through my firsts; at least the ones he knows about. I remember the first time I cooked rice, he was stuffed and not hungry, but when he heard it was my first time, he ate it like I had cooked a gourmet meal. He did not teach me how to drive, I think it would have terrified him completely, but he gave me courage that helps me push through with many things even today.

I wrecked his car, but rather than make me feel worse than I already did, he smiled at me and said “…everybody knows how to drive, it’s not that hard to do, besides you are [mine], you’ll be fine”. He showed me the true way of love. He personified God’s love for me, completely lacking in conditions.

I am on my own now, I like to think that I’m a big girl and he still worries about me. He won’t tell me but I know he sometimes loses sleep over me. I do not live with him anymore, but he has shown me the standard for love, his actions have explained how I should be treated. He has shown me that love will not spoil you and make you a menace. Love will guide and encourage you, scold you and never let you get away with wrong, most importantly; love will never let you feel less than you are.

I cannot place a price on the time I get to spend with him, on his smile or the sound of his laughter, the dances and music we share or on the fact that I have him. He is my first impression of a man, a husband, and a father. A girl’s first love.

I am not bragging I am just talking about the blessing that he is. I am most grateful that my father not only stayed, but he chose to be involved in our lives. I am blessed to still have him and I’m super thankful that I do.

Happy Father’s Day Daddy, I love you.

Daddy

IN PURSUIT OF LOVE

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For months I have tried to write about a concept that dropped in my heart (I don’t know where from) for a while and I did not understand why I could not write it. Today, I found out the reason. I need to write this without judgement.

Over the years I’ve seen in myself and in my generation a yearning for love, and to be loved. People deserve to be loved and sometimes we demand this love from people. However, I have also realized that we sometimes seem to constantly run after a love that seems elusive. We ask, demand, and sometimes beg that others love us. Now I am talking only about the romantic love between a man and a woman, I mean even love in the most basic sense.

The truth is sometimes we make ourselves hard to love.

At this point, I need to make something clear. Certain people are going to love us regardless of how we act, our habits or whether or not we make it easy. Your family, God, and some select people will love you without condition. And while I believe this group of lovers are a necessary blessing, I refuse to accept that it is okay to make loving hard work for them. Don’t get me wrong there are a number of people that will never like, not to talk about love, you.

I have seen many of us make love a major feat for others and still complain that we are not loved. The question I ask is “Why do we leave all the work of loving to the lover only? Why will the loved do nothing?”

I am a Christian and I understand that what I do or do not do does not change how or stop God from loving me. I am also human and I understand that loving is sometimes hard. Unfortunately, no one is talking about making loving easy for others.

One way we make loving us hard for others, is how we treat third parties. I do not know that Miss Pretty is watching me and unconsciously cataloguing the things that I do, and then I treat Miss Tall like she does not deserve to breathe in the same free oxygen as me. I have unknowingly made it hard for both Miss Pretty and Miss Tall to love me the way I would want.

Sometimes we claim that we are showing love to others, providing them with the things we think and sometimes know that they need, while also making them feel like they are about an inch tall.

Today, men and women cheat on and abuse their spouses and then demand that they are loved the way they want to be. It’s pretty hard to unconditionally love and be there for someone who talks down at you constantly, who always acts selfishly, ignorant of how you feel, who uses youonly when its convenient, who always has to be right and never tries to compromise, for the sake of a relation.

Sometimes I act, doing what I think is right, but when i do not care about how it affects anyone in my life, I am harder to love. Negative consistency, also makes it hard. I have seen this a lot these days. We start some things as jokes, teasing people, it’s funny and playful at first, but we do not stop. We are not sensitive as to when it no longer feels like teasing  and more like bullying.

The pursuit of love is beyond karma. Finding love is loving people past themselves and to the point that they find it so easy to love you that they can’t help themselves.

THE JOURNEY

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image from inkfaith.com

I had a long road ahead of me, a dreaded but highly needed path. A journey everyone needs to make at some point in their lives. Sometimes the road and the journey are much more tedious than other times, but the difficulty of your journey depends on what you are leaving behind. One thing is sure, you always arrive at the other side better than when you began the journey.

Over time, certain people have learned to make the journey often and without difficulty, others avoid the journey as much as possible, while some refuse to go down that path ever. This generation has perverted and twisted a willingness to make this journey as often as required to mean weakness.

So on this day, I decided to be weak; I decided to take the journey to Forgive. The journey was hard and I had to deal with things that were not as easy as they looked, but I learned the different steps to take on the path to Forgiveness.

Children; they seem to have mastered the art. Ever wonder why children are always so carefree and why they love you even after you made them mad a few seconds or minutes ago? I think it’s because they cannot be bothered to keep a grudge. Really, what will a child do with a grudge? The way children forgive shows me that it is actually in our nature to forgive and move on (not forget though; that’s how we learn our lessons). However, we grow up and the world tells us that our nature is the weak way to do things. If you would just look, you’ll see that the mind an humility of a child simplifies forgiving.

Reshuffle; sometimes required. Sometimes we are reluctant to start the journey to forgive because of things and people around us. It’s like the kid who knows doing well in school is good for him, decides to flunk his courses because he thinks that is how he’ll get to hang out with the cool kids. It’s really simple really; you should not let people determine whether or not you forgive. Instead it should be that you forgive and let them decide whether or not they’ll stay in your life. A person who doesn’t let you forgive someone else is not only stunting your growth, but is handing you a saw to take to your arm instead of cold medicine for the flu.

Losses; why record any? It is a known fact that the wealthiest man alive isn’t the one with the most money; it is the one who has people. Truth is no one is worth being dumped or thrown away. Believe it, you will always need people and it never hurts to have more than enough (ask my Father). It is cool too that you are a person, which means you would always be needed.

Boomerang; learn to be one. This is another part of the forgiving nature that the world turns up its nose at. Keep going back, don’t stop making excuses, vent all the way, guzzle that bucket of ice cream (with caution), binge on chocolate (if your body lets you)… just do whatever it takes, but make sure you do not stop until you have forgiven that one thing. I promise, it gets easier with practice.

Karma; attracted by humans. Hey, you are going to need to be forgiven too. Yes, you too. A law of being human; messes cannot be avoided. So you expect yours to be forgiven you? It’s simple, you owe me and I let you off free, then someone else owes you less or more, but owes you nonetheless and you choose not to let the person be…One of two things would happen. You’ll either never get from me, ever again, or you’ll pay the written off debt in full (besides you just collected).

Habits; cultivate this one. This is the point when you consciously become a child. Keep at it; forgive as often as is possible until you can forgive as often as required.

Knowing how to forgive is not a weakness, it is conquerable Art.

Take the Journey to Forgive and you’ll be a lot closer to Happiness.

Letter To My Darling

My Darling,

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image from writersblock.loft.org

I sincerely anticipate the first time I’ll set my eyes on you. You’ll probably be pinkish bordering on red, with extremely wrinkled skin, and a more wrinkled face, testing the effects of combining your lungs and voice box to produce one symphony. That would be music to my ears. I promise you would be the most beautiful sight I’ll ever see.

I look forward to the first time you look straight at me. My heart dances to a million beats in anticipation of the beauty I’ll find in those depths. I can’t wait to see the potential, the dreams, the mischief and the mysteries hidden behind those dark eyes.

I’ll wait patiently for the days we’ll spend cuddled up together at home or anywhere we find. I’ll hold you close in health, in laughter, in tears and even rub your back when the sun hides beneath your skin. I’ll seat with you and hold you until you decide that you are ready to walk by yourself out the door.

However, when you leave, when you face the world head on, I’ll remain constant. I’ll be your first pillar to keep you grounded when you come out on top, when you fall down and scrape more than your knees and pride, when it seems like your hopes have moved on from you and when you cannot handle one more hit smack from pressure. I’ll always be in your corner, cheering you on and never not having your back.

I’ll wait for every chance to help you through your flaws, show and help you own your mistakes. I’ll never let you forget that you have the ability to be what you’ve always wanted to be, and all that matters is that you choose to be the best that you can be.

Though I know it would be bitter sweet, I promise I’ll cherish the day I send you forth into marriage. The day you vow before God and the rest of us to be the pillar for this other person, to be their strength and their foundation, and to love them the way you that they are designed to be loved.

I haven’t met your Father yet, but, Child, I can’t wait to meet the wonder that you are. So until I get to tell and show you when you get here, know that I’ll always Love You.

Love,

Your Mother.